Why me?

Have you ever wondered why me? I know I have and I often still wonder why me. There are so many people in the world out there today who have challenges facing them every day and have had bad luck throughout their lives. Some people may say that I have had bad luck throughout my life and I disagree with that. All of things that have happened to me during my life is just my life, not bad luck but my life. I do have challenges that face me every day and many of them are related to my mental illness but I don’t let that get me down, I embrace it.

I often wonder why me? I wonder why my mam had to die and why I have depression and why every day I struggle with self harm. I have been through a lot and I have had some very bad days. But when I wonder why me I always come to the same conclusion- That yeah I have been through a lot and yeah it has been hard, but if I hadn’t gone through everything  have, if I didn’t gain control over m self harm and I f I didn’t learn how to cope with my depression I would not be able to do what I do today, I would not be able to work towards reducing the stigma associated with mental health because I really wouldn’t feel that I understand how some people feel. I wouldn’t be able to share my story and most importantly I would be able to share my story and provide hope to people out there who are struggling.

I live everyday one day at a time not know how I am going to feel but the one thing I do know is that there is always help out there for me when I need it. Whether it’s my friends, my family my teachers or my CAMHS team there is always help out there for me when I need it and there is always help out there for other people when they need it too. It might not be the same circle of support I have but there is support. All you have to do is look and you will find it, and people will want to help you if you are going thought a bad time and need some support.

I think that something my brother Paul said not so long ago sums everything up-

“Everyday people lose the battle with mental health issues and take their life, which could be complete avoided if they just talked. It’s not their fault, it’s the society that we live in, a society that ignores mental health, a place where people don't understand its importance and think that it isn't important. Without our mental health in good order we are not equipped to take on the everyday battles in our life. It’s so important and we need to have the realize that it cannot be ignored and that we need to support one another and talk, we need to realize that by accepting and talking about mental health we will save life's! I am so proud of this initiative and am so extremely proud of the people behind it, it takes courage and strength to stand up and talk about this, without people like this our society would be a lot harder to live in! Just always remember when you’re feeling down, or you need help there will always be someone there to help you! I know how important it is to talk about what's going on with people, and I had to learn it the hard way, but let's all just try end this pointless tragic loss of life. It’s so simple just don't forget to talk, and always remember there is support out there for you! It’s such a small thing but it will help save lives, and will make society such a better place to live in."

I am not ashamed of whom I am and I am not ashamed of the fact that I have a mental illness. I will stand up and speak out about my experiences with only one aim which is to show people that by talking things will get better and that there is help out there for you. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you have a mental illness; it’s the same as any other illness. Just because you can’t see it doesn't mean it’s not real. I do wonder why me but I always come to the same conclusion that f everything that I have described above didn’t happen then I wouldn’t be able to share my story and try to make a difference to the society that we live in today.

By writing my blog I hope that it will help someone to feel that they are not alone, that there is help and that there is other people out there going through some of the same feelings that you are. I can only hope that some people do find some of the things that I write about helpful and encourage them to seek some support in some way.