Marks for life.

Scars.

I once knew a girl.

Who forever had scars and cuts upon her arms.

Hope was insribed.

Not in the colour of ink.

But in the colours of the scars.

With stitches on her skin.

Plus tears in her eyes.

And bumpy scars.

Filled with hate and shame.

For whats she done.

But she'll do it again.

She once saw someone.

They asked what is that on your arms.

Ciggerette burns came the reply.

Deep inside the girl was lost.

I once saw myself drowned in tears.

Cant understand the purpose of my being.

For the cuts and scars.

The pain goes so much deeper

Amy Kerswell

I wake up every morning and I am greeted with the painful sight of my arms covered in scars. Many people might think that it is just my arms but it’s not. The scars are everywhere inside and outside. Many of my scars reflect the pain I have suffered in my life but many are there because I was addicted to self-harm.

I once wanted these scars; I’m not going to lie. I wanted to wake up every day and see them. I wanted people to know that I was suffering. But now, now all I want is for them to be gone. I have so many I am unable to count them, but I wish that I had none to count. Sometimes i take time to just remember the reason that scar is there. I think about what caused me to self-harm that day, why I made the cut.

I look at the ones that I had to get stitches for and I look at the ones that I removed the stitches from. I find the ones that I hid from people and hoped that the bleeding would stop before I lost too much blood and died. Each one of my scars has a story and I could tell you about them. I have too many to remember all the reasons for each scars but most of them I will be able to tell you about.

I use to let people see them but now I want to hide them. When people do see them they stare and whisper and make me feel self-conscious. It’s obvious what there from I can’t hide the fact that they are from self-harm but I just wish people would not stare all the time.

My family are ok with them and I am glad that they don’t mind them. They let me be free in a way. I’m not scared to wear a t-shirt in my house because I know my family won’t stare and make rude comments. My friends are great too. They want me to be able to take off my jumper if I am to warm and they don’t mind seeing my scars but I don’t. I don’t want them seeing what I have done to myself.

Many people wonder why I would do something like this to myself. People think I am crazy and I was looking for attention but the truth is I didn’t know what else to do. In the beginning before people found out I hide my cuts and scars. I was ashamed of what I was doing and I didn’t want anybody to know. It was a secret and I was suffering in silence.

I am not proud of my self-harm but I am not ashamed either. In many ways it has helped me become the person I am today. I have learned how to cope with my self- harm and I have also learned ways that I can help other people. Sharing my story is one of the ways that I help people. I let them know that it ask to ask for help, that you’re not crazy and that things will get better. They have got better for me and there is no reason that they will not get better for you.

I wish I never began to self-harm and found other ways to cope when I was younger, but I didn’t. I know have to live with these scars for the rest of my life. I hate having them now but I once liked them but that doesn’t last. I have to live with the fact that I destroyed my body and as hard as that is I also have to know that I was strong enough to stop and gain control back of my life. Self-harm will always be part of my life even if my scars do fade. The most important thing that I have taken from my experience of self-harm is that I am strong enough to overcome it and battle the urges.

I wish people didn’t self-harm but the reality is that many people do. It will affect you for the rest of your life even if you do manage to stop completely. It can affect you in a good way be sharing your story and help other but it can also affect you in bad ways to.

The most important thing is to talk to people and share how you are feeling. People many not realise it but it can become an addiction very quickly and it can be very hard to stop. So please don’t start but do ask for help.