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Showing posts from 2012

Marks for life.

Scars. I once knew a girl. Who forever had scars and cuts upon her arms. Hope was insribed. Not in the colour of ink. But in the colours of the scars. With stitches on her skin. Plus tears in her eyes. And bumpy scars. Filled with hate and shame. For whats she done. But she'll do it again. She once saw someone. They asked what is that on your arms. Ciggerette burns came the reply. Deep inside the girl was lost. I once saw myself drowned in tears. Cant understand the purpose of my being. For the cuts and scars. The pain goes so much deeper Amy Kerswell I wake up every morning and I am greeted with the painful sight of my arms covered in scars. Many people might think that it is just my arms but it’s not. The scars are everywhere inside and outside. Many of my scars reflect the pain I have suffered in my life but many are there because I was addicted to self-harm. I once wanted these scars; I’m not going to lie. I

Why me?

Have you ever wondered why me? I know I have and I often still wonder why me. There are so many people in the world out there today who have challenges facing them every day and have had bad luck throughout their lives. Some people may say that I have had bad luck throughout my life and I disagree with that. All of things that have happened to me during my life is just my life, not bad luck but my life. I do have challenges that face me every day and many of them are related to my mental illness but I don’t let that get me down, I embrace it. I often wonder why me? I wonder why my mam had to die and why I have depression and why every day I struggle with self harm. I have been through a lot and I have had some very bad days. But when I wonder why me I always come to the same conclusion- That yeah I have been through a lot and yeah it has been hard, but if I hadn’t gone through everything  have, if I didn’t gain control over m self harm and I f I didn’t learn how to cope with my d

What made me fight?

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The other day I got asked a question from one of my readers. She asked me was there anything that made me keep fighting or fight harder when I was in hospital. So there are a few things so I have decided that I would write a blog post about it to outline the things that kept me going. What exactly my family and friends did that made me want to keep going. While I was in hospital I did some stupid things when I got the chance to go out for a few hours or whatever on leave but it was because of what my family and friends did that made me stop doing those things. They basically gave me the wakeup call that I needed. One of the first things that made me fight was the fact that I was missing out on things; I was missing school, scouts, athletic, spending time with my friends and family. I guess missing all of that made me want my life back. I didn’t want to be stuck in hospital all of the time, I wanted to get back doing the things that I love the most. When I began to notice I was miss

Label Jars Not People :)

So this is a bit of an update of what is happening with Label Jars Not People. We are holding a cake sale tomorrow and I hope that everything works well because there is actually a lot involved in holding a cake sale and in the past number of weeks to say there were a few times I was a bit stressed were somewhat of an understatement.  So anyway I am looking forward to tomorrow after all the money is going to a good cause and people will be getting lots of nice food. I do hope that the people who said they would bake will actually bake!! Any way I have decided that I am not going to panic tonight, I am going to do my homework and the sit down and watch Fair City with a nice cup of hot chocolate before I get down to some backing. So we would like to say a huge thank you in advance for all of the support we have been given by friends  family teachers and our school community with our cake sale. So if you want to learn more about our project you can get in contact with the

Ripple Maker.

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A few weekends ago I made my way into town to attend the national See Change Youth Panel training day. I applied for the Youth Panel a while ago and to be honest I was surprised when I got an email saying I was selected for the Youth Panel. I was over the moon. I was given the chance to work with others who also wanted to achieve the same goal as me; they want to reduce the stigma associated with mental health. Anyway I arrived late but that was because of athletics. When I did arrive I was given a warm and friendly welcome which put me at ease because I was a bit nervous, I’m not going to lie. So I’m guessing there are many of you reading this post and have no idea what See Change does so I will take this chance to tell you about See Change and then a bit about what the Youth Panel does. So See Change is an organisation which has been set up to work towards reducing the stigma associated with mental health, not just mental illness because there is a stigma associated with men

Its Ok to TALK!!

I decided that I might make a power point for this post about how it is ok to talk. I will have more time to write a post tomorrow :)

Social media.... Good or Bad??

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Source Facebook, Twitter, Skype, Tumbler, Fickler and so many more are all social media sites. Social media has been in the news a lot lately and well it hasn’t been in the news for good reasons but for bad reasons. So is social media really a good thing. There are advantages and disadvantages of social media sites and I am going to take this opportunity to explore the good and the bad of social media. Social media have become so much part of modern life to the extent that many wonder how they had coped before they were invented and made readily available to all. According to wikipedia, a social networking service is an online service, platform, or site that focuses on facilitating the building of social networks or social relations among people who share interests, activities, backgrounds, or real-life connections. Social media has become for some people a new way of communication. Everything is done through messages on twitter r on Facebook it is very hard to find a person who

Cyber Bullying

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The reality is that anybody can be bullied no matter how young or old they are bullying can happen to anyone. There are many different kinds of bullying such as verbal, physical and cyber. Cyber bullying is now becoming more common these days. Social media websites such as Facebook, Twitter and Bebo are becoming know all around the world for all the wrong reasons. People do not realise what bullying can do to someone, we have seen over the past number of week’s people who have been bullied taking their own life. Bulling through social media sites is broadcasting the bullying. It is no longer private bullying when it is brought onto the internet. Once it is on the World Wide Web it will always be there no matter how many times you try to delete it. Cyber bullying begins to get more people involved, and in more cases many people who join in on bullying are taking the side of the bully rather than the person begin bullied. Cyber bullying creates a form of peer pressure and often man

2 years in a row!! Thank you very much. :)

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Last Saturday I made my way to Nass.... it sounds like its miles always from where I live but it’s not really. It only about half an hour away but I wanted to make it sound a bit more dramatic. As I explained what I was trying to do I guess it didn’t work! Any way it’s time for me to get back on topic!! Last Saturday I went to Naas to attend the Irish blog awards for my second year. This year however was run and organised by a different group of people. It was amazing to say the least. I was in the finals for the best youth blog and beginning with Y I had to wait until the end of the night to find out if I was going to win or not. I have to say that it was well worth the wait without a doubt. As there were 30 awards to be given out it went a bit like this: 10 awards were given out followed by our started. Another 10 awards given out followed by our dinner. The final 10 awards given out followed by our ice-cream :) In between all of that there was a few little other things going on s

Mental Health.

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if everything was dark and there was no way out? Well I don’t have to think about that because I have been there. About a year ago I was sitting in my bedroom contemplating suicide and it wasn’t the first time that I have been in that situation. There were so many people around me that I knew I could talk to but I chose not to. I thought that they would judge me and I was so low that I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anybody about what was going on in my head at the time. Now some of you know me while others don’t but think about it, I am just one person who went through that. I am just one person who has decided to talk about my experience, but there are so many more people out there who are scared to look for help, who are scared to talk about their experience and who are scared that they will be seen as an outcast by society if they do anything other than suffer in silence. There are so many people in the world today who are suffer

Depression.

Today is world mental health day. It is time that we stand up and speak out and make a difference to how people look at mental health. Im trying to make a difference are you? Here is a post I have written on depression in the past!! This weekend I will have a post about Mental health and how people view mental health and what can be done to chance peoples perceptions.  I have written a post about  self-harm  before and well now I think it’s time to write one about depression seeing as how often the two topics can be related. In my opinion depression is a lot like self harm in the way that people often don’t like talking about the subject. It seems to be something that you would only talk about if you knew someone who suffers from it or you yourself suffer from it. I grew up not hearing anything about depression; the only thing that I knew about it was that if you were depressed you were sad. In some ways that’s all you really need to know when you’re growing up because often you w

Friendship.

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So this post is going to be all about friendship if you didn’t notice that by the title. Over the past couple of months I have really realise the value of friendship. Since I have been in hospital and my friends have been by my side the whole time. I have the most amazing friends in the world they mean the world to me and I would be lost without them.                                                                                                                                                                                          They have been so strong and supportive about the whole thing, they have helped to keep my blog updated, sent me texts and letters keeping me up to date on everything that I have been missing. They also know how important school work is to me and have sent me in notes so that I can try to keep up to date on all my school work. If it wasn’t for them I have no idea where I would be right now. All of my friends, family and teachers have been the people that

I lost a mother but gained a guardian angel.

It hard to believe how fast the time goes by when you lose someone close to you. Six years is a long time but it all went by so fast, it still feels like only yesterday when I watched God take my mother away from us. I guess when my mam died it was my first real experience with death, I was only a baby when my granny died so I didn’t know her but I did grow up hearing stores about her and visiting her grave I might not have got a chance to know her or get close to her but I feel that in some ways I did know her and I was close to her. Today is my mam’s 6 year anniversary and I’m still trying to come to terms with how long it has been. My mam died after she lost the battle with lung cancer. She was a strong and brave person and she never let being sick get the better of her she fought until the very last moment. She always had a smile on her face no matter what was happening. Whenever I would go into the hospital to see her while she was sick that was the one thing I would look fo

Self-harm emergency kit.

The other day I was doing some work on learning how to cope with my self harm and one of the things I learned that would be useful for me is to make a self harm emergency kit. This kit would have things that you feel that could help you when you are feeling very low and you are struggling with the urges to self harm. This box could be big or small and have as much things or as little things in it that you want. You can even be able to bring it around with you if you feel like it will help you. The things that I would like to have in my self harm emergency kit are: Photos of me and my friends. Photos of my mam and grandad. Photos of me and my family. Some nice sented candles. A stress ball. A rubber band. Some soft fabric. A pen and some paper. Im sure as I think of it more and more I might add some more things to my list but right now I am happy with all of the things that I can put in my emergebncy kit because I feel that if I was struggling with my urges things like lo

You are never alone!!

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  Many people feel like they are all alone in the worldespecially when it comes to mental health diffculties. Many people feel like they are all alone which is why I decided to use this picture when really there is always someone there for you no matter what us going on you just have to try and find that one person who will do anything for you and will never let you down. Source.   You are never alone!!!! Source.

My Knight in Shining armour.

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I blogged about my granddad before and well I wanted to blog about him again. My granddad was a wise man he was like a book of knowledge and he had a story for everything. Every day we heard a new story or the same story as before but with something that he forgot to tell us about. Right up until the day that he died he was telling us stories. Not many people really live their life but I can assure that my granddad lived his life to the full. He has done everything..... He traveled to lots of different countries, owned a shop, became a knight, set up the order of Malta in Celbridge he became an honorary Carmelite and so much more. I think that it’s safe to say that my granddad will defiantly be remembered and not just by family members but by everybody who had the pleasure of meeting my granddad. He will be missed on the annual Carmelite pilgrimages to Lourdes and by the friends that he made when he went to Cork to train with his guide dog. He will be remembered by all of the other

What has blogging done for me?

Well I’m not sure if many people know how much my blog means to me. I don’t know what I would do without it. It seems a bit silly saying this but my blog is my life. It has helped me through the hardest times of my life and I am sure it will continue to help me far into the future. My blog is a place where I can go and share my experience; get all the crazy thoughts I have in my head out but in a good way. My experiences are on my blog for a reason, not to get page views or to win awards but to help others and show people that there is always hope. I guess in a way blogging has let me come to terms with my mental illness and it has also helped me to being to recover. I mean many people don’t think that something such as a blog has the power to do something like that but it does and it has for me. I am not going to lie; it was amazing when I won the blog award in 2011. It was an unforgettable feeling but that is not the best thing that blogging has done for me. Helping me to get t

Youth Panel.

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I have just sent in my application to See Change to be on a youth panel. This panel is all about promoting positive mental health and helping See Change to make a difference. Here is some information about the Youth Panel: “Thank you for your interest in getting involved with See Change. Our youth panel will be a valuable part of our campaign, whether you’re on Facebook and Twitter or raising awareness in communities. The Youth Panel (YP) is a group of 10-15 young people aged between 18 and 25 who will advise and guide See Change in all areas of our work, get Ireland talking about mental health, reshaping people’s attitudes and creating new fun ways of reducing the stigma attached to mental health problems. See Change is a social movement that is changing how Ireland thinks about mental health. We want to create a conversation within the community about people’s attitudes and behaviour towards mental health. Mental health is part and parcel of being human but societ

Think Big

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Think big is a project that has been set up to help promote positive mental health in Ireland. This project has been designed by O2 and Headstrong. This projects is for communities to help and make a different for young peoples mental health. Do you have an idea that will help young peoples mental health? Do you have an idea that will help promote positive mental health? Well if you do why dont you sign up to think big ans start your very own project. Visit their website to get started....  http://www.o2thinkbig.ie/ Here is a video of one very successful think big project.... who knows your project could be as successful as this one!!

Feelings.

Sometimes it can be easy to know way you feel a certain way but other times it can be very hard to know why you feel a certain way. Many times they way you feel can be caused from actions that are taking place around you. Other times we can feel a certain way and not know why and nothing around may have happened to cause you to feel that way. We as humans are able to have many different feelings for many different reasons. It is very important to try and learn about our feelings to know why we feel these feelings sometimes. This will help you to learn to cope with feelings in a healthy way and feel more in control of your life.                                            It is a good idea to think of all the different feelings that you are capable of having and then trying to notice the ones that you experience the most. It is important to look at both the positive and negative feelings that you experience. Look at all the good feelings that you have and write them down. The look

Help your parents to help you.

When my dad and I were working towards recovery together we had many many fights about me harming. He couldn’t understand how I was feeling and in turn I couldn’t understand how he was feeling. He helped me to understand how he was feeling and so i had to help him understand how he was feeling. Because he had never suffered from self-harm he was not able to understand and after a while I began to accept that. He did not know how to help me and so it was my job to help him to help me. To do this i had to explain to him why i was self-harming even if he wasn’t able to understand it I had to tell him why so that we were able to talk about things. Once we were able to talk about self-harming we began to talk more. He moved on and began to not get angry and annoyed at me for harming but he showed me how upset it made him, he showed me that he cared and he showed me that he wanted to help me. That was enough for me to be able to decide that I needed to help him to know how to help me.

Whats your body image?

Often people can self-harm because of how they feel about themselves and their body image. It is often hard for people to think about their body image and weather they like it or not. Some people say that they scar themselves because they don't like their bodies. Harming just makes them feel worse so it doesn't really make them feel much worse. I know for me I self-harmed because I didn't like my body along with many other reasons. Now that I have got control of my self-harm I regret some of the scars that I have caused. I don't  regret doing it because it has made me the person I am today, someone who has an understanding of mental health and mental illness now. But the thing is I have ruined my body and I have to wake up every day and see all my scars. I cant wear t-shirts because I have scars from my shoulders to my wrists. I even have scars on my hands. I cant wear shorts that go above my knees because I have scars all down my legs to my knees. I have scars ev